Easy-Peezy, Lemon Squeezy


I’m all about easy. Some of my friends might say I’m a little too easy. But I don’t mind. Allow me to illustrate how much I appreciate easy right now. Instead of worrying about hiring someone to mow my lawn this year. I’ve decided to kill it. Cover the whole damn thing in cardboard.

My dishwasher died the other day in a last, watery gasp after about 25 years. I could buy a new one, call the plumber to get it installed, take a day off of work, but why? I was too lazy to use it. I’ve decided to replace it with a wine cooler instead. Take it out of the box and plug it in. Done.

Easy is my new black this year. I’m not talking about simplifying, I’m talking about plain-ass lazy. I’ve started looking around to see what else I could do with the least possible effort. I think industry is an overrated side effect of  a Protestant-Capitalist heritage, but let’s face it, some of the best inventions have been created to avoid hard work. Lazy people get a bad wrap, but like the word ‘female’, it doesn’t have a bad wrap because it’s actually bad. It has a bad wrap because it’s dangerous to the people on the top. Just imagine if everyone started being lazy, stopped burning the midnight oil for paltry wages and making shit-loads of money for CEO’s and corporations. My theory is that lazy people are smarter, more creative and more content. Never a good thing for those who want to maintain the status quo. Evolutionary biologists and psychologist support my view:

 Humans are programmed to be lazy and this is a good thing. When our prehistoric ancestors were hunting and gathering, the less work expended to kill and skin a mammoth or to collect fruit, the better. 

This guy suggests that companies avoid hiring hard workers, and look for for creatively lazy workers instead. They are more efficient, happier and will probably stick around because they are too lazy to look for another job. I may have to do some radical reconsidering of my lifestyle.

A laundry shoot, for instance might be a good thing to install  I can probably just cut a hole in my bedroom floor that will be directly over the laundry room. Perfect. How about Mop slippers?

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I’ll buy a pair for everyone in my house. Screw top wine is on my shopping list and the Clapper is definitely a must. I’m sure there are lots of other inventions for lazy people, invented by other lazy people who subsequently made a shit load of money by simply being lazy. In fact Stuff White People Like tell’s me that lazy really is in my genes and the best way for you to profit from it is to make things that lazy white people like:

One of the easiest ways to create something that white people will like is to create something that will allow them to feel smart but doesn’t require a large amount of work, time, or effort. There is, however, a catch. Whatever it is that you create cannot be a shortcut. You see white people like the idea of getting smarter quickly, but they don’t like the idea of people thinking that they are lazy. It is a bit of a paradox, but it does explain why white people only like Cliff Notes if they are part of some sort of hilarious college story about last-minute studying for an exam. And why they consider it highly unacceptable to use cliff notes or Wikipedia to get a rough understanding of a book you don’t want to read.

Due to the broad audience watching the talks, TED speakers generally take very complex ideas and boil them down into a simple engaging presentation. So when a white person finds out that you have a PhD and visits and attempts to engage you in a conversation about String Theory, you should know that all of their understanding comes from a twenty-minute talk they listened to while running on a treadmill. 

If this is a completely foreign idea to you, like it might be to my mother, never fear – wikihow can help: http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Lazy

Let’s all get rid of this crazy idea that lazy is somehow bad. Lazy cooking can be very good for you if you are the smart kind of lazy. Raw fruit and and roasted vegetables are some of the easiest healthy things to make. Although most truly lazy people are even too lazy to consider alternatives to a microwave meal. If you want to improve your laziness with out getting rid of it (because that would be too much work) then I say when in doubt, think Zucchini and avoid artichokes. In the mean time, I will tell you about my delicious and healthy lazy-ass dinner that I made last night.

Roasted Asparagus Crusted with Parmigiano Reggiano

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Ingredients:
1 bunch asparagus
1/4 cup parmigiano reggiano (grated)
1 tablespoon balsamic vinegar (optional)

Directions:
1. Place the asparagus in a single layer on a baking dish.
2. Sprinkle the parmigiano reggiano on the asparagus.
3. Place in a preheated 400F oven until cooked. (about 10 minutes)
4. Place the asparagus on a serving plate and drizzle with balsamic vinegar.

P.S. I did put forth the effort to drizzle it with olive oil and sprinkle it with fresh, chopped basil. But if you’re not feeling that ambitions, don’t worry. It will taste just fine without it.

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