I receive a tons of messages from men on some dating profile I recently re-activated, then friend noticed my age was wrong. I mentioned it to one guy who had asked to meet up and he immediately changed his mind about the date. I did not originally ask for the date, he did. This wasn’t slated to be a romantic date. I had told him I was happy making new friends and if it developed into something more, I was open to it. He seemed to be as happy with that as I was. No pressure, no issues, until I mentioned my age being three years older than what was published.
Well, I was pissed for being judged based on absolutely no merits of my own. So, I thought I would play with this age thing and see what happened. I did not change my picture, the words, or any other information. Just my age. I finally found where I could change it and I changed it to 99. I got just a few visitors who were in their 60’s and the one’s who were younger were looking for an “experience”, even though my profile specifically said I was not looking for a short term relationship. I even left the age range of men I was looking for between 28-45 (I had originally made this profile when I was about 38) So, I decided to change my stated age again. This time to 36.
I tried to talk with my friend about this and I pointed out to him that he was willing to go down in age when dating from his by 8 years, but he was not willing to go up. Why? He felt it was be cause we are conditioned to believe certain things. I agree. What I think we are conditioned to believe is that women are objects, property, or possessions. Does he really believe somehow that some one 8 years younger than himself is somehow more emotionally capable of having a relationship than someone who is 8 years older? Doubtful. Does he decline to answer because he thinks I have an agenda? Possibly. When I mentioned it to my tenant, he laughed. When I mentioned it to another friend my age, he said, “it’s just preferences.” My question is where do preferences end and bigotry and inequality begin?
We hear all the time in the Western press that when a Muslim man goes Heaven he will get what? Virgins. Not intelligent women, but lots of Virgins. We are told that in the bible, god puts Adams on Earth to rule over Eve in the same why he rules over the animals. Didn’t we use this idea to justify slavery? (Incidentally, if you look back into older Indian texts, women’s ages are less of an issue, they are often older than their mates – such as Radha and Krishna – or have more than one husband – such as Draupadi.)
All this noise about rape in India and the question is, is the “two finger” test still legitimate? What is it the purpose of the two finger test? Not to collect DNA evidence, but to “determine” if a woman is sexually active. To determine if she is used goods, not deserving of the same protections as virgins. I suspect that this age bias that has spread all over the world was, in large part, spread by Christianity and Islam.
We like to believe in modern society we are over this, but we are not. We make commodities of women everywhere, all the time. We classify and judge their value based on age and looks, not on intelligence, competence, kindness, or any other human quality. Do we have a word for a man who dates someone 10-20 years younger than himself? Lucky is usually the word. But we certainly have a word for women – Cougar. An implication that she is a predator; harmful; a degenerate.
Although they would argue and disagree, I have to say that the majority of men in any country that has been touched by Christianity or Islam, inherently objectifies women. This is pretty harsh since I am talking about my friends. Don’t get me wrong. I respect them. They are nice guys – but I don’t think they understand the depths of their indoctrination. My problem is that they are unwittingly promoting a system and ideology in which most of them claim not to believe in. They are continuing to judge women in a light of inequality. They are participating in the systematic dehumanization of women which they profess to be beyond. They want no more arranged marriages, some of them don’t even want to have kids. Yet they are eagerly justifying and happily participating in a world view that is no longer relevant in terms of population growth, family well being, or even in terms of their own personal goals.
It reminds me a lot of desegregation. The “modern” outlook in the 1960’s and 1970’s was, one thought it was okay for African Americans to have equal rights just as long as their kids didn’t marry one. The real irony is that some of my friends are not white. In fact, the guy who refused a date with me was Chinese/American. He had also just explained to me the subtle “racism” of a comment some friend of his had made, yet he could not see the hypocrisy of his own statement. He said, he based his decision on his last relationship with someone older…he made this judgement why? Because he had taken the time to get to know me? No. Because I said I didn’t want to have kids? No. Because I am incapable of having kids? No. Because he didn’t find me attractive? I don’t think so. Well, he certainly didn’t make this judgement on any real quality of mine since we had not yet even met. Until I expressed my distaste for the arbitrary basis of his decision, which “confirmed” for him the correctness of his choice.
Now, if I sent an email to him saying, “oh, I thought you just had dark hair, but you’re actually Chinese. I think I’ll decline dinner based on my past experience with Chinese men…that’s just not where I’m at right now”, what kind of response do you think I would get?
So, what happened when I change my age to 36? I was flooded with visitors to my profile and messages, and almost every one of them was between the ages of 40 and 44, with the youngest being 36. It doesn’t seem to matter if a man is 30, 40, 50 or 60, they all seem to be looking for women based on a social ideal, whether they are aware of it or not. Previously, the visitors were averaging about a 60% “match”, when I changed my age it shot up to an average of 88%. I was suddenly a prime selection based on nothing more than a change in age.
I”m thinking my next experiment will be to find the most biased, narrow minded examples of men who see women as commodities rather than people. Then I will copy their wording to my profile, put in my own actual details instead of theirs, and see what happens…
While I’m at it, maybe I can find myself an Enjoli man who can make me this:
Bacon-Apple Cider Biscuits
- 2 cups all-purpose flour
- 2 teaspoons baking powder
- 2 teaspoons brown sugar
- 1/2 teaspoon salt
- 1/4 teaspoon baking soda
- 1/4 teaspoon apple pie spice
- 8 tablespoons cold butter, cubed, divided
- 5 bacon strips, cooked and crumbled
- 3/4 cup apple cider or juice
- 1/8 teaspoon ground cinnamon
- In a large bowl, combine the first six ingredients. Cut in 7 tablespoons butter until mixture resembles coarse crumbs. Add bacon. Stir in cider just until combined.
- Turn onto a lightly floured surface; knead 8-10 times. Roll into a 10-in. x 6-in. rectangle. Melt remaining butter; brush over dough. Sprinkle with cinnamon.
- Cut into eight rectangles. Place 1 in. apart on an ungreased baking sheet. Bake at 450° for 12-15 minutes or until golden brown. Serve warm. Yield: 8 biscuits.