Oly Gurl


Craigslist – I’ve found some good things there, I’ve found some bad things there. I’ve sold my surger and, possibly, my soul on it. But for all it’s failing and flaggings, it does provide a fair amount of entertainment when it’s break time, you don’t have a break room and it’s raining outside. Enjoy:

ORIGINAL POST- To all of you women in oly-

With your “trendy” but trying your very hardest not to be trendy clothing. ( you only spent $40 on that “vintage” sweater). Your superfluous attitude about feminism is so incredibly… cool. You go to the Co-Op with a chip on your shoulder and carry your judgement in the canvas bag that you picked up (during your “worldly travels”) in Cancun. You can’t believe people actually shop at Trader Joes (They have so much packaging). You did yoga a couple of times… it was soooo….enlightening. You think because a man fiinds you attractive, that he is a raging anti-feminist who can’t control his hormones. You work so hard against opression …and for social justice… and equality…. because it’s like, soooo wrong for people to have to go through that (can I get this gurl another glass of pinot, please?). You are so much better than everyone else. I applaud you for your pompous, pretentious, unforgiving attitude towards anyone who doesn’t have a choice but to shop at Wal-mart. I guess that single mother of 3 would be better off to let her children go hungry and wear rags, than to actually shop at that place. Oly gurl, you are so awesome.

Yours truly,

I expect this to get flagged…. do yourself a favor and look in the mirror before you flag it.

__________________________________________

(In response to a previous missed connections)

hahaha…ah. ah. whew. Ahahahahahahhahah hpptptphphptptphhhphptt….whew. wow. WOW. Dude, like…have you tried some Bach’s flower essence stress release? or, maybe some yoga. It’s really enlightening. Wait, I think I have some Happy Camper herbal supplements in my bag here. Oh, I know it’s cool. I got it in Peru. My parent’s took me there on an ecotourism trip. (And Cancun? That was the “foreign travel” blaster you came up with? Man, that is soooo MTV 1998 spring break, come on). Yeah, guys always think I’m hot, but it’s because I live off the grid with my female-bodied partner and she is – by shallow American societal standards – like, daaaammmnnnn holy fuck what!!!!??!?!? Maybe we could meet up at the Co-op later to tell you we DON’T want to have a threesome with you. I bet I could spot you by your ten foot mucky brown aura (I, like, learned how to read auras at burning man last year). I can see a clear sign you haven’t gotten any love for your root shakra in a while besides your hand. 

And this comment: “I applaud you for your pompous, pretentious, unforgiving attitude towards anyone who doesn’t have a choice but to shop at Wal-mart. I guess that single mother of 3 would be better off to let her children go hungry and wear rags, than to actually shop at that place.”
Bwahahahahahaha….ahahahahah….bphptptpthahahaa…GAG…COUGH. Oh shit I’m choking. Oh, oh god…couchcough…Hack Plthphpjpf cough…whew…haha ahh…ahem. Whew, sorry I got carried away. Um, have you ever studied economics…ever? Or have you been too busy root shakra lovin’ to picks of “Free People” cover girls to ever have any potentially enlightening thought enter your head…ever? No..wait…you probably don’t know what free people is. It’s pretty trendy. Anyway, you did have this one thought that went “Imma rant on missed connections about how pompous EVERY Oly girl is ever.” Which was pretty good, actually. No really, it gives under-employed people like myself something to do while we put off job hunting. Thanks for that. Whew, I’m tuckered out now. I think I’m gonna go have a free-trade cup of coffee with hemp milk at the Co-op for 35% off cause I volunteer there AND get the low income discount….maybe I”ll have a discussion about feminism while i’m at it, and bash all the guys that wanna bang me. Like, they’re sooooo anti-feminist. SUCKA!!!!!! 

Sincerely, 
Oly Gurl 

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