The Heart of the Matter

“There  are toys and dust bunnies everywhere…”she said, “but we would love your company.”

“Yeah, whatever. I understand toys and dust bunnies. I’ll feel right at home.” I said. It was dark and rainy out by the time I got home last night and I was not feeling so up to venture out, but I got in my car anyway and drove down the dark, winding road.

My friend gave me inspiration. She gave me reassurance. I see too many people starting life anew together and I don’t often get to see the one’s who are already there. Divided by work, responsibilities, family conflicts, or just sheer exhaustion. “I’m just so in it.” she said, “I want to stop and remember the moment, but I can’t.” Did she imagine this when she walked down the isle in that beautiful dress BB made for her? Did she know how her strength would be tested? Did she know herself? I wonder if anyone else around her stops and looks at her in amazement and reverence. They should. What looks like pain, confusion, weakness is an illusion. She is a mythic archetype, reeling in the “miserable ritual, a magical procedure”.

I was glad I went to see my friend. She made me feel so…..human.

The things we imagine when we get married or enter into a relationship are never the things that come to pass. One day you realize there is no leader, only the blind leading the blind. The damaged helping the injured. The heart of the matter is perseverance and compassion. In that moment of being “in it” you either find something deeper in yourself, or you run away.

I think it’s better to be in it. To be lost. To feel frustration, anger, hurt, lonely, disconnected and overwhelmed. It will pass. This is how we connect. This is how we experience real love and we can get it no other way. It will not come easily, magically. You will only ever find someone with the potential to create a magical life with and you will know in the moment where you think, “This is different. This is uncertain. This might just work for me”.

You young men out there, you think that twenty something girl knows herself? She knows nothing. You think that she is confident, independent, self assured? Just you wait. It is only when she has been burned by the fires of sacrifice, disfigured, worn, that her true beauty will show. It will be nothing your naive eyes could recognize unless you choose to die with her and be reborn into another life. Only when she has been through it, through the ritual, then she will know. Then you will know. You fools who think you know love…it is so much deeper than you can ever imagine.

Grilled Parmesan Hearts Of Palm

2 14-ounce cans heart of palm, drained, rinsed, and patted dry
2 to 3 tablespoons olive oil
Kosher salt and freshly ground black paper to taste
balsamic vinegar
3 tablespoons shredded parmesan cheese
Preheat the grill to medium-high.
Drizzle the hearts lightly with oil, then season with salt and pepper.
Put the hearts on the grill and cook they’re until nicely marked all around, about 15 minutes total.
Remove from the grill, transfer to plates, and while the hearts are still warm, drizzle lightly with the vinegar and sprinkle with the cheese and a little more pepper. Serve.


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