My friend, A, got rolled by a girl. He is utterly, absolutely, foolishly in love with her. As far as I can tell, all she wanted was money and power. Today he asked me if he should “fake date”.
“What does that mean?” I asked.
“You know, just date people and have sex so I can get her off my mind.”
“Well, you can go down that road if you want to,” I answered, “but, don’t count me as your friend.”
You see, I’m at risk of being rolled too. I had a few chats with this guy and I really enjoyed it. He is a fun and open person to talk with. I felt my inhibitions melting away. All those walls that I usually put up fell like Rome in 410 AD. He was my Visigoth; my Alaric. And then he inadvertently sent me his profile on a dating site…with full access. The page that popped up had his most recent contacts….from four hours ago, and a chat window that was open while we were chatting somewhere else.
What did it say? I’m sure you are dying to know….it said…(sorry to disappoint you) “can I chat with you later?” But wait. There I was with all that power to know. Could I resist? Okay, I did scroll down the list of women in front of me and I did look at the requests sent to him, but I started to feel dirty when I fully realized he probably didn’t mean to give me access. And I didn’t feel dirty in a good way. And then I began to wonder…”am I going to get rolled?” I felt uncomfortable. My hands were sweaty. I felt foolish.
I fessed up to him that he had given me full access. Yeah, so I was kind of sarcastic and maybe a bit self-righteous while talking with him after that, trying to cover up those feelings, but then I thought about my friend, A. He had lived with this girl, trusted her, loved her and nothing but nothing stopped her from doing what she did. This was, after all, just a guy I was chatting with. Yes, he had been charming, open, disarming, sweet, sensual and he even looks exactly that way in the pictures he sent me. But what do I really know?
At first he was very open and said I could look at his account any time, then he changed his mind. Was it something I said or was he just feeling as naked and embarrassed as I was? I don’t know, but I gave my word that I wouldn’t look again and tried to delete the email. Later that night, I was cursing gmail because when I went looking for a different message I found it is somehow still in my trash. I can’t make it go away.
So, I sat and I thought some more about A. About how gullible and naive he was. About the pain he is going through right now. About how just a few looks around this guys profile might save me from all of that.
I haven’t looked.
We often assume that people are foolish because they don’t know something or they don’t know any better. I would say that people are most often foolish because they don’t want to be hurt. Sometimes the desire to avoid pain overrides everything else. I really don’t care what others think, in the end. My friends might say, “K, you were a fool….all you had to do was look.” We all behave foolishly at times. It’s unavoidable. I know I would be a bigger fool if I did look. Instead I asked S to tell me how to delete that email forever.
No, my friend A was right to give up his heart. The woman who left him is the real fool.
Lemon Curd and Yogurt Fool
- 11 oz jar lemon curd (we used Duchy Originals Traditional Lemon Curd)
- 18 oz tub 0% Greek yogurt
- 7 oz punnet raspberries
- 1 tbsp icing sugar
- shortbread , to serve
- Put the lemon curd and yogurt into a bowl. Fold together for a rippled effect. Divide the mixture between four glasses and chill.
- Mix raspberries and icing sugar together and gently crush, then spoon with their juices over the chilled mix and serve.
But S, he always know’s how to keep things light, and sent me this: