An Offer You Can’t Refuse


Ok, most of you probably can, but I thought I’d put it out there anyway as a sort of social experiment. Here’s the deal this week I have a final paper due (which is half of my grade), a final exam in statistics, a midterm paper due in another class and a mid-term exam – not to mention the stuff due today. Lucky for me my son is on vacation this week with his dad, but still I find myself wishing for an Auntie to come take care of me. Don’t we long for the days when someone else took care of your life and all you had to do was study and get laid to let off a little steam?

So, here is my offer to anyone who is interested in trying out my little social experiment. You know those volunteer vacations you see that are getting so popular now days? I’m offering one. Consider me like a tiny third world country you can visit without the need for a visa. I would like to have someone come and stay with me for a day or two – heck the whole week would be fantastic. Someone to be my rock, my friend, my occasional cook and folder of laundry. Test out your philanthropic skills or see what it’s like to be an in-home care giver for that nursing degree you are pursuing (I promise not to slobber too much and you won’t have to change any diapers). The pay is about the same as any legit community service, but the benefits for you could be huge.

“What will you receive in return”, you ask? “After all, K, you are not nearly as cool sounding as Africa…” Well, we can consider this an experiment in social credit. Yes, when your life is falling apart – maybe when you are 9 months pregnant and need someone to tie your shoes; maybe your going away soon and need someone to take care of your dog and your place; maybe you just want a sort of social insurance policy for those unforeseen events when your life enters the eye of the perfect storm – you will know who to call.

Ok, I admit, I’m not as cool as Africa, but there are a few things I can offer you. 1) I have a library filled with classics for your reading pleasure. Maybe you just need a mental vacation… 2) A private room with an extra comfortable bed. It also includes some really cool star wars toys (bonus)…3) Daily access to Nana’s pool. Heated. 4) Close proximity to new adventure sports – new hiking trails, fun climbing gym and a great place to do some real kayaking (not just this Lake Union pussy-kayaker shit). What the hell, I’ll even take care of the kayak rental climbing gym fee for you. 5) Real sailing lessons. After my hell week is over, I will take you sailing for real. 6) Wine is included. 7) An opportunity to try out all these cool restaurants you have been reading about. 8) Just a place to get away from stressful room mates or spouses, a place to get away from being alone, a place to get away from real life for just a bit. 9) Other benefits may be available based gender (ooooo, don’t you want to know what those are?) and/or availability.

It was John Kennedy who said, “Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country.” Fuck, it worked for him…What do you say we give it a shot?

 

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