The God Condiment

It seems that in the 1960’s a man named Peter Higgs posted this sign on a telephone pole in Switzerland:

Lost – One God

Last seen: by Joan d’Arc near Domremy, France in 1424. As a purebred, stud quality deity, he has been breed many times and has a proven record of siring males, thus he is very valuable to us.

Description: nondescript, ethereal, particulate and morphemic. Has Anthropomorphic tendencies, but also enjoys wearing elephant heads on occasion. Known to be benevolent, angry, vengeful, full of grace, extremely protective of his owners, aggressive, war-like, peaceful, all-seeing and all-knowing. Prefers to eat Mana from Heaven and apples.

Have you seen this God?

Warning: He is armed, dangerous and is known to bite. Please approach with caution and call us right away if you have an encounter with him.

Other information: My friend Fredrick Nietzsche thinks he is dead. My friend Merlin Stone thinks he is a she.

If found, please return to:

European Organization for Nuclear Research
CERN CH-1211 Genève 23

Telephone Switchboard: +41 22 76 761 11


The news can get a little monotnous after a while. The economy, elections, storms  on the East Coast, wild fires in the West, riots and revolutions and threats of European dissolution. But every once in  a while, if you keep your eyes open and stay away from Fox news you can find something truly interesting – Apparently someone found God.

Fabiola Gianotti of the ATLAS group and Joe Incandela of the Compact Muon Spectrometer team announced that they have found a new subatomic particle which may be the Higg’s Boson Particle. Better known as the “god particle”.

“This is not like other ordinary particles. We’re reaching into the fabric of the universe at a level we’ve never done before. It’s a key to the structure of the universe.”

If it is indeed the Higgs boson, the discovery would provide evidence that there’s a field — the Higgs field — that permeates our universe and interacts with particles to create mass. It explains why the atoms that make us who we are actually have substance. –

Still, so many unanswered questions, I know. It doesn’t really tell us what to serve with our substance does it? *Sigh* how about if we try some Rhubarb and Ginger Chutney today? It is best served with animal substance such as gamey meats, duck, rabbit, and of course, pork. But the best accompaniment to relish this relish with is cheese. Have this with Paneer Pakoras, Grilled cheese sandwich (choose a rich cheese, not to sharp not to mild), with cottage cheese, mixed with yogurt,  or with cheese and crackers. Oatmeal, grits and breads are also a great compliment to this condiment.

Rhubarb Ginger Chutney

  • 2 lbs. rhubarb, washed, drained and cut into 1/2″ dice (about 6-7 cups)
  • 1 ½  cups coarsely chopped onions
  • 4 cloves minced garlic
  • 2 tablespoons minced fresh ginger root(peeled)
  • 1 ½  cups raisins or currants
  • 1 ½  cups dark brown sugar (packed)
  • 1 tablespoon non-iodized salt, or pickling salt (kosher salt is non-iodized)
  • 2 teaspoons mustard seeds
  • 1 teaspoon ground allspice
  • 1 teaspoon ground coriander
  • ½  teaspoon dried red pepper flakes
  • ¼ teaspoon ground cinnamon
  • ¼ teaspoon ground cloves
  • 2 cups cider vinegar

Make the chutney.  In a large non-reactive pot or Dutch oven, combine all of the ingredients except the vinegar.  Mix well, and bring to a boil.  Lower heat and partially cover to simmer for about 30 minutes, stirring occasionally, until onions are translucent.

Remove the cover.  Add the vinegar and cook over medium heat, stirring almost constantly, until the chutney is slightly thick and mounds up on a spoon, about 20-30 minutes.

Recipe source: The accidental locavore


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