I’ve decided to take the leap. I’ve been thinking about it for quite a while, but it’s really intimidating. What if it doesn’t work? What if I can’t handle it? What if I become something I don’t like? What kind of influence will this change have on me? Will it bring out that monster in me? Will it live up to my expectations?
He assures me that everything will be fine. He has experience after all. We’ll go slow. He says no one can really know the outcome, but we will have to commit to the process to know if it will work. Where will it leave me if it doesn’t? What if I freak out and push everyone away? Cry all the time and do irrational things…what if I hurt someone else?
If it works I’m sure it will change my life for the better, if it doesn’t it could be horrible. I’ve already done the horrible once or twice when things didn’t work and it scares the shit out of me. I just want calm. I want dependable. No more embarrassing, out of control situations. But I don’t want to loose my enjoyment of life. I don’t want to stop doing the things I love. I don’t want to loose myself.
Sounds a lot like I’m contemplating a relationship doesn’t it?
He says Keppra will be better than Lamictal. I hope my Neurologist is right. Right now it makes me feel pretty stoned, which is not necessarily a bad thing.
How to make Bud Butter
According to a friend of mine, by using “Bud Butter” in your recipes you can consume the marijuana in a tasty way. Think Chocolate….
Here’s one recipe for Bud Butter from The Stoner’s Cookbook:
1 lb. of butter (not margarine!)
1/2 ounce of finely ground marijuana
Melt the butter in a sauce pan until it’s simmering.
Add the marijuana and let simmer for 30 minutes or so until the butter has turned green from the marijuana.
Pour butter through a strainer to remove all the pieces of marijuana.
Chill until solid.