Fool for Luv


Authors note: I hate it when people use the spelling ‘luv’ instead of love. I almost decided against responding to someone until I realized it had another meaning when they wrote it. I am amazed how many people search for ‘luv’ on the internet when they are really looking for love. I wonder if any of us know what we are really looking for…

Myself, I’d rather be a fool for something as wonderful as love than be foolish enough to throw it away.

JJ never talked about things because he was exploring the ideas, he talked about things because he was preparing to do them. “I became disingenuous to my ex girlfriend,” meant I will do that to you when I’m uncomfortable. “I get bored of things after three or four months,” meant I am getting bored of you. “I am feeling lost” meant you are going to lose me. “There are seven billion people in the world” meant I want to fuck as many good ones as I can find. “What if I wrote mean things about you,” meant he thought mean things about me. “What if I told you I didn’t like Kai?” And when he used the words “want to” I knew he never would. “I want to comfort you…I want things to work out….I want you in my life.” He said it as if I had never heard that bullshit before.

I already knew what would happen when I told him we could not be friends. We could not because he walks away when he is uncomfortable; he thinks the grass is always greener somewhere else; he is incapable of dealing with emotions productively; he would sacrifice my friendship like a Captain of a Mayan ball game team the minute he met someone new; he looks for someone who fits his ideal perfectly rather than getting to know someone in spite of their imperfections; he is afraid of making the wrong choice; afraid of failure because maybe he already feels like one; he wants someone else who is competent so he doesn’t have to try to be; and he is afraid of “the monster inside” him. I make him sound like an asshole, right? He’s not. Everyone is JJ. He is not incompetent, not a failure, not callous, not a monster. He’s a human being with doubts, fears, inconsistencies, illogical emotions, desires, and scars. The person he doubts the most is himself and it makes him a fool about love.

Aren’t we all?

Photo from Manipal’s Photo Blog.

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Rhubarb is coming into season and I just LOVE the stuff. Someone in history (probably more than one person), a brave soul, discovered that the stalks are edible and yummy and the leaves are poisonous and deadly. I would add a little heat to this with Jalapenos or chilies.

Rhubarb Chutney

Bon Appétit  | April 2003

  • 1 cup plus 2 tablespoons sugar
  • 1/2 cup red wine vinegar
  • 1 1/2 cinnamon sticks
  • 1 1/2 tablespoons minced fresh ginger
  • 1 1/2 teaspoons grated orange peel
  • 1/2 teaspoon (scant) ground cardamom
  • 4 1/2 cups coarsely chopped rhubarb (from 1 3/4 pounds rhubarb)
  • 3/4 cup dried currants
  • 4 green onions, chopped

Stir first 6 ingredients in heavy large saucepan over medium heat until sugar dissolves and mixture boils. Add rhubarb, currants, and green onions; bring to boil. Reduce heat and simmer until rhubarb is tender but not falling apart, about 4 minutes. Cool to room temperature. Discard cinnamon. Cover and refrigerate chutney until cold, at least 1 hour. (Can be made up to 2 days ahead. Keep refrigerated.) Bring to room temperature before serving.

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Love is being stupid together. – Paul Valery

A fool in love makes no sense to me. I only think you are a fool if you do not love.- anonymous quote

Love can sometimes be magic. But magic can sometimes… just be an illusion. – Javan

Whoso loves believes the impossible. – Elizabeth Barrett Browning

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