IM Virtually Inept


I am virtually inept in virtual reality. In fact, technology is not my friend. Even when I  had an adequate phone instead of a smart phone I had difficulties. There were the little buttons to scroll through my contacts and I quickly did it habitually, without thinking. Then my ex husband gave me his girlfriends number because his phone had died…This was bad. Her name slipped in right above ‘Mom’. Did I look like a crazed stalker every time I accidently dialed her number?

I how many times I have hit send instead of save on a draft email I cannot say. And still worst is the texting. After I have a seizure I have a very difficult time talking, but strangely I can write just fine. I mean I can perform the task; that is no indication that anything I write is rational or coherent.

And, god forbid, I should drink and text. Is there a way to attach a breathalyzer to my phone?

Yesterday I did something REALLY stupid. I took a minute at lunch to browse through some emails I have been neglecting when I came across a nice little post from a blog I subscribe to. “Oh,” I thought, “some of my readers might enjoy this.” It’s not so hard; hit the reblog button, copy and paste the link, send it to my distribution list. I am not stupid, I am educated. I have a 4.0. How did I fuck it up so badly?

This a pretty personal blog at times. Do I care that strangers know about “talking sexy” to some guy who’s alias is JJ? Not really. The people on my distribution list can handle it, but does my boss really want to know? Instead of my distribution list I chose my entire list of contacts and hit send. How will my boss feel about my recipes? What will the guy I went out on a date with and then never returned his calls think? Wait did I send this to every contact I have at my company? Yes. Let’s not forget the parents of my son’s friends, my students, people from high school that I haven’t seen for ten years, my professor, my lawyer, my bosses, bosses boss. I imagine my co-worker, Aloha Ken, sitting in Hawaii, drinking his Mai Tai and laughing his ass off right now.

But my personal favorite….I sent it to my ex husband. Nice…I need a drink or two:

Absolut Royal Fuck (up)

  • 1 oz Crown Royal
  • 1/2 oz Absolut Kurant
  • 1/2 oz Peach schnapps
  • 1 splash Cranberry juice
  • 1 splash Pineapple juice

Chill in tumbler, shake, and serve up in a rocks glass.

Screw Up

  • 1 part Vodka
  • 1 part Orange juice
  • 4 parts 7-Up

Fill glass with ice cubes, add all ingredients, mix then drink!

Kill Me Now

Mix all ingredients in hurricane glass.

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