Maybe I have called more than one person out on a lie, or a half-truth or just a slightly disingenuous attempt to smooth things over. But I wanted to say this today. Thank you for the times when you were honest. Thanks for the times when you, who ever you are, let your vulnerability show. It meant the world to me, even if I was afraid to let it show.
We all hope that we can be vulnerable with someone and still be loved. Many times when we actually get what we want, we run away. We start covering it up with half truths and straight-up lies, afraid that we might get laughed at. On the other side, when someone shows their vulnerability to us, we can get really uncomfortable. It should be the moment when we move toward that person, when we reassure them, when we are most kind. More often it is when we are most indifferent, harsh or cruel.
Why is that?
It may seem to some of you who read this often that I critique JJ a lot. I do, much more so than when we were together. He wanted my critique. He seemed really uncomfortable many times with my kindness as if he didn’t really want someone to love him quite so much (however much that was, I don’t know). He really wanted someone who could walk away. Somehow, that showed strength to him. I often wonder if he knew how very hard it was for me to stay. How many times I had to convince myself not to walk out, because I have done that more often than not. I have been cruel in my life too.
The very first day we met he showed a kind of vulnerability to me that made me feel completely over-whelmed. He said things that sounded immature and naive, things I would have never said to someone I had just met. There was a part of me that was appalled and there was a part of me that admired his ability to do that. Was it the truth? No one knows but him.
My cousin called me recently to talk about someone who had lied to her. I don’t know that I had good advise for her on how to deal with it, but I have this:
Hummus (GF, VG, V)
- 3/4 cup dry garbanzo beans
- 1/4 cup dried soybeans
- 1 bay leaf
- 1 onion, quartered
- 1 cup vegetable broth
- 3 cups water
- 2 cloves cloves garlic, crushed
- 1 lemon, juiced
- 2 tablespoons soy sauce
- black pepper to taste
- 1/4 cup tahini
- 1/4 cup chopped fresh parsley
Seal the lid and bring the pressure up to high; reduce the heat to low and cook, maintaining high pressure, for 1 hour. Allow the pressure to drop naturally.
Drain the beans, reserving the liquid. Place the beans in the bowl of a food processor. Add the garlic, lemon juice, soy sauce, black pepper, and tahini; process until smooth. (You may add some of the cooking liquid for a thinner consistency.) Scoop the mixture into a bowl, and mix in the parsley.