I had a very frustrating yet informative conversation with someone the other day on IM:
P: oh i didnt know his name sounds like he needs a push i hate to play games but sometimes you have to with men. make him jealous see what happens, if you get a reaction then you know he is still interested
me: I’m not the least bit interested in that and it wouldn’t matter anyway. that wouldn’t tell me shit
P: it would. Is he seeing anyone or has he since you broke up?
me: no idea and I don’t really want to know
P: sometimes a guy needs a kick to make them act
me: well, I’m not the one to do the kicking
P: i am telling you if he thought you was seeing another man it would make him get off his ass
me: you are wrong. you are not the person to help me figure that one out. i would never lie about that.
P: nothing else will. how do you know i am wrong? men are like little boys they might have a toy they haven’t even looked at in months but as soon as another boy touches it they want it back. all i am saying is if you want more you got to play dirty. love is like a sport, the team with the best tactics and most desire to win gets the result
me: fuck – you give the same silly answer as any other man who isn’t married. Sorry I should not have asked. love is not a battlefield, or a soap opera or a game. love is kindness and friendship.
me: that bullshit is not for me. our relationship was based on a good friendship and I want it back. I miss him.
P: well what are you doing to get him back
me: there is nothing I can do. i will just go on being as kind as I can. i will act from love and friendship and let it be.
P: well that wasn’t enough for him
me: if I have to manipulate someone into caring for me or can only get someone if they feel they are chasing me then I don’t want them
P: love is very complicated, its about attraction. once you break that down you will be suprised what you can learn
lets break it down. what attracts you to a man?
me: I have to go home. ttyl
Do people really still think this way at 37? I felt bad enough when the thought of those silly games crossed my mind, when I had a momentary weakness of wanting someone to be jealous, or when I acted unconsciously on some immature emotion that every one has. Trying to play them is out of the question. Unfortunately, I think he is right. There is a reason some men have never been married at 30, 35, 45, it’s because they like the chase. The hardest part of all is that if they play like that or have never known anything different, no matter what you say or do they will think you are playing too. I suppose I should get used to cooking for one, because I’m not willing to take that field. The kind of players that are on it are the kind that want to get love rather than give it, the kind that have a love-hunger that is never filled.
After that conversation I needed a drink.
- Tia Maria , chilled
- 16 tbsp (approx 250ml) double cream
- cocoa , for dusting
Pour the Tia Maria into small cocktail or liqueur glasses. Carefully pour the cream into the glasses over the back of a teaspoon so it floats on the surface of the Tia Maria and makes a separate layer. Dust the cream with cocoa by shaking it through a tea strainer, and serve.
A man reserves his true and deepest love not for the species of woman in whose company he finds himself electrified and enkindled, but for that one in whose company he may feel tenderly drowsy. – George Jean Nathan
Love does not dominate; it cultivates. – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
How absurd and delicious it is to be in love with somebody younger than yourself. Everybody should try it. – Barbara Pym