An imaginary conversation I have had with everyone I ever pissed off, freaked out, hurt, bullied or just plain lost because of stupid shit:
Me: Wow, you know this situation is really uncomfortable. We’ve pissed each other off, freaked each other out, assumed, wined, cried, panicked and were kind of just jerks. What else is there to do? It’s getting a little boring.
Them: No shit. We could play the blame game, what do you think?
Me: Naw. No one ever wins at that. It’s rigged.
Them: How about if I stand over there and you go that way and we see if some space works?
Me: Wouldn’t it be harder to communicate that way? I mean, we’d have to yell to be heard. It could get confusing. Anyway, we already have these psychological walls between us.
Them: Yeah. You know, I really like what we were doing before things got weird. Why can’t we just do that? Keep it simple, no commitment.
Me: Dude, I don’t want to walk all the way back there and start over again. Besides, we’ve done that plenty of times. How about something new?
Them: Hey! I have an idea let’s go do something fun together. But you know…I think you have a point, part of the problem is these walls we have between us.
Me: Yeah. Definitely. You know, I have to tell you this side of your wall looks like some nerdy dorm room from 1985.
Them: Ha Ha, well your’s looks like my grandmother’s bathroom wall with one of those stupid signs that says, “If you sprinkle while you tinkel, please be neat and wipe the seat.”
Me: That’s funny. Let’s just get rid of them.
Them: Why did we put them up anyway? How did we think THAT would be fun?
Me: Who know’s? Hey, I can’t seem to get your’s down…
Them: Here, just climb over. Let me help you.
Me: Oh, that’s much better. Thanks.
Them: Wait. Where are all of the ugly things and bad attitudes you had on the other side? Didn’t you bring them with you?
Me: No. I didn’t think I would need them over here. Hey! You know you look really different from this perspective. I know I said I didn’t find your childish, naive ways attractive, but now that I’m over here, they look kind of cute.
Them: Thanks. Here, take my hand. I’m having a bit of trouble negotiating this life-scape over here. It’s bumpy.
Me: Don’t worry. I’ll help you out. You hungry?
Them: Yes. Famished.
Me: Let’s go get something to eat.
Here is a bit spicier version of Dahl from allrecipes.com that I like.
- 1 cup red lentils
- 2 tablespoons ginger root, minced
- 1 teaspoon mustard seed
- 2 tablespoons chopped fresh cilantro
- 4 tomatoes, chopped
- 3 onions, chopped
- 3 jalapeno peppers, seeded and minced
- 1 tablespoon ground cumin
- 1 tablespoon ground coriander seed
- 6 cloves garlic, minced
- 2 tablespoons olive oil
- 1 cup water
- salt to taste
- Cook the lentils by boiling or pressure cooking until lentils are soft. (Pressure cooking is faster.)
- In a skillet heat the oil and add mustard seeds. When mustard seeds begin to flutter, add onions, ginger, jalapeno peppers, and garlic. Saute until the onions and garlic are golden brown. Add coriander and cumin. Add chopped tomatoes. Saute the mixture well until tomatoes are well cooked.
- Add water. Boil 6 minutes. Add cooked lentils, stirring well. Add salt to taste, stirring well. Add finely chopped cilantro and remove from heat. Serve hot.