My friend signed me up for a dating web site and I have noticed a correlation between the ages of people and their “criteria”. The older they get the less criteria they have. Now, this could certainly be out of desperation, but there is another possibility and I think it’s quite valid because I see it happening in my happily married or partnered friends. As you get older and gain a little more experience, you begin to realize that those criteria don’t really matter.
Everyone grows up imagining the kind of person they might be with or end up with and we seek out people who fit into our little paradigm. What we discover along the road of life is that everyone is a flowing, changing, morphing process. The criteria that seemed to fit so well once becomes irrelevant. So, what is relevant? You will meet lots of people with whom you have a connection in life. I think what is relevant is not necessarily criteria, but someone’s capacity for forgiveness, understanding, flexibility, effort, compassion, fun and courage. When someone, on that very first day gives you a little tingle, act on it. Don’t be afraid. There is always this delicate balance of holding on and letting go in every relationship.
Letting go doesn’t mean running away. Sometimes it means letting go of something you though you wanted to find something you never knew existed between the two of you. Holding on doesn’t mean smothering, obsession, or control. Sometimes it means remembering that reaching out to someone, especially after hurt or mis-understanding takes a great deal of maturity and self-assurance. Not everyone can do it and sometimes you have to be the bigger person and keep reaching out gently, with the hope that the other person will eventually understand.
Helen Keller was born blind and deaf. Anne Sullivan arrived at Keller’s house in March 1887, and immediately began to teach Helen to communicate by spelling words into her hand, beginning with “d-o-l-l” for the doll that she had brought Keller as a present. Keller was frustrated, at first, because she did not understand that every object had a word uniquely identifying it. In fact, when Sullivan was trying to teach Keller the word for “mug”, Keller became so frustrated she broke the doll. Keller’s big breakthrough in communication came the next month, when she realized that the motions her teacher was making on the palm of her hand, while running cool water over her other hand, symbolized the idea of “water”; she then nearly exhausted Sullivan demanding the names of all the other familiar objects in her world. Wikipedia – Keller went on to be an author, activist and helped to found the ACLU.
What would our world be like if 20 year old Anne Sullivan had not kept trying to break through Helen’s silence? How many other people in every day life quietly go about extending themselves toward another without any guarantee of reciprocity? I’m sure you know at least one teacher who did. These are the people who see beyond the “criteria” for success and believe in the person we can become. Who see us on the inside, not just on the outside.
When I look at JJ’s pictures, I see a boy. When we were together, talking in the dark, I knew the man he will be. I never saw the right criteria in him for a partner I wanted in my life. It was in the dark, blinded, that I saw the lovely person he is on the inside.
And now onto a place that has absolutely nothing to do with the above post or the catchy title. I doubt the idea of using Miracle Whip in any of their dishes ever crossed anyones mind. My friends popped down yesterday from Seattle and said “take us to one of those nice restaurants you write about.” What fun would that be? I wanted to take them to one I have not yet written about.
Where did we end up? Acqua Via on the corner of 5th and Capitol. Descendent of the Capitale Restaurant of fame and fire damage, Acqua Via remains true to their delicious, rustic-elegant roots. The clean, unpretentious decors and walls of windows gives it an airy, cosmopolitan comfort. My friend tried the Italian Bread Salad with spinach, pesto crostini, smigi mushrooms, caramelized onions, tomato Italian beans, tomato juice, cauliflower tomato infused oil and vinegar.
I went with the simple Penne with gorgonzola, walnuts , spinach
If you are looking for a casual, comfortable and elegant place, make this your first stop in Olympia.
500 Capitol Way South Olympia, WA 98501