Holy Mole

JJ mentioned once or twice how my unconscious ruled my actions sometimes. Well, of course, he was right. This happens to everyone. On a long, long driving trip we took once, in the beginning of our relationship, we had a discussion about his past relationships and about how he behaved in them. Toward the end of them, he said, he was somewhat disingenuous – not exactly lying but not exactly telling the truth. But don’t worry, he reassured me, that was just because of the situation or the women. He talked about how he had  behaved in the past in regard to sex, about how he wanted to learn new things. Distance, attachment, commitment, smoking and work were hot topics of discussion. One day he said to me, “I have had a tendency to be really obsessed with new things for about three to four months and then I loose interest….but you don’t have to worry.” He spoke as if many of these things were in the past and about wanting things to be different, then he proceeded to act them all out exactly the way he had described, all over again in the next seven to eight months. Almost down to the letter.

One other discussion we had was about prejudice. I said to him, “I think you have minority issues.” I’m pretty sure he was pissed. I was really being a bitch that day, and I’m sure it came out poorly too, so I tried to clarify this statement . “Don’t worry,” I said, “I have gender issues.” It didn’t help.

Unconscious mental-models rule our lives more than we would ever like to admit. We have a tendency to act them out even when we do not consciously buy into them. We create them through out our lives from the microcosm of our concept of self to the macrocosm of religion.

When I say I have gender issues I mean this: I sense a deep conflict between my mental-model of femininity and the social models my culture still clings to; although I thoroughly believe in this very Japanese idea of the importance of balance between masculine and feminine principles, I am still aware that I carry biases because I have grown up in an overtly masculine culture; I have strong opinions about how women are treated or viewed in many different cultures. I do not mean that I personally feel less confident, less worthy or less powerful because of gender oppression or prejudice.

We create mental-models on four basic levels – in creating our self-concept, socially, environmentally and religiously. They all intertwine and interact in various ways. We act out these mental-models whether we know they exist in us or not. My next little series will be on mental-models because I think (of course) that they are intimately connected with they way eat. At the personal level they affect the way we eat, what we eat and our body image. Socially food is related in a big way with our community interactions. Environmentally it is related to our ideas of sustainability. Religiously, food permeates our concepts of the universe.

I’ll leave you with a recipe for last night’s Quesadilla’s. For my son I made a fairly classic one with Mozerella, fresh tomatoes and cilantro. For myself I made the one below. It was like a religious experience.

Holy Mole Quesadilla (GF, VG)

  • Corn tortillas
  • TJ’s espresso parmigiana cheese
  • Cilantro
  • Dark chocolate, chopped
  • Mozzrella cheese
  • Jalapeno, one, chopped
  • Cooked Polenta

So simple. Slice your cheese nice and thin. If you have mashed Polenta your can spread it on your tortilla. If you have cooked Polenta in a roll, you can slice it thin. Layer everything and toast it in a pan with butter. I had mine with Pico de Gallo, but it would be great with mango or other fruit salsa as well.


“It all depends on how we look at things, and not how they are in themselves.” – Carl Jung

“Every time you are tempted to react in the same old way, ask if you want to be a prisoner of the past or a pioneer of the future” ― Deepak Chopra


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