The Ethical Slut – Food for Thought


I mentioned in my post, The Ultimate Makeover, a time that I had behaved poorly and what I did in response when someone called me out on it. Someone was disingenuous to me and I recently called them out on it. It was a bit of a different situation than with Scott, not just a pair of pants, but it got me wondering how I would have responded.

I called someone else out on a lie once. My ex-husband. He said he was going to have a drink with his friend. There were signs in the prior few weeks, so I asked him calmly and straight up if he was cheating. Not with a yes or a no, with no regret, but with self-righteousness, he answered: “I needed to do something to make myself feel better.”

“Why didn’t you ever tell me you were that unhappy? Why did you have to lie?” I said. I was not quite so calm as before, but I guess ‘lie’ seemed a little too harsh for him.

“I didn’t lie!” he yelled, “You asked me and I told you the truth. So, fuck you, Bitch!” and he walked out the door. Semantics. Seems we have a difference of opinion on what dishonesty is.

JJ called me out on something once. I gave him a book which had a post card that I had left in it. A post card from an old boyfriend. He asked me if I was trying to make him jealous. Now, in all honesty I didn’t know it was in there. But to be painfully honest, when he pulled it out I recognized it before he even said a word and the first thought that passed through my mind was, “Ha, fuck you. See! Someone else wanted me.” Yes. I may not have tried to make him jealous, but when the opportunity arose, I wanted him to be jealous. Is it any different? And when he called me out, what did I do? I defended myself.

These are obviously examples from each extreme but they both touch on the same tender place we all have that illicits a defense reaction. We can try to justify it, we can tell ourselves we are doing it to make ourselves or someone else feel better, we can walk away to avoid confrontation. But how many people stand up and say, ‘Yes, that is what I did. I take responsibility. I’m sorry.’  When was the last time someone called you on something because you were being unkind? Making up excuses? Just flat out lying? How did you react? Did it make things better? What did you loose and what did you gain by your reaction?

L introduced me to this book and my friend E reminded me about it the other day while we were having dinner:

I got myself a copy. It has lots of relationship recipes in there. Most of them aren’t to my taste but they might be to yours. The ingredients they suggest, however, are fabulous and methods they offer can be used to improve all sorts of relationships. It reminds me of my cooking mantra, “start with good ingredients, end with good food”. This just happens to be food for thought.

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On to cooking. Here is a nice, light meal I made with my friend to celebrate his 21st birthday.

Japanese Style Stir-fry Veggies with Shrimp  (GF) 

  • Fresh Snap Peas
  • Shitaki Mushrooms
  • Lemongrass
  • ginger, chopped fine
  • garlic, chopped fine
  • sesame seeds
  • extra firm tofu, cut into cubes
  • baby Bok Choi
  • Diakon radishes
  • bean sprouts
  • quinoa
  • vegetable bullion or Garam Masala
  • sugar, salt and pepper
  • fish sauce
  • 2-3 tbls. Hoisan sauce

In a pot, start your quinoa. Remember a 1-2 ratio, i.e. one cup of quinoa to two cups of water. Add in about 1 tablespoon of Garam Masala or one veggie bullion cube and cook it just like rice. Easy-peasy lemon squeezie, as my son likes to say.

In a lightly oiled wok add a dash or two of fish sauce. Don’t be generous, it’s potent stuff. Next put in your Diakon radishes and stir them up a bit before adding in tofu and sesame seeds.

Toss in your mushrooms, followed by the ginger, garlic and Lemon Grass. Lemon Grass is a bit of an unknown to most people. Take a lesson from it. Just like us, the heart is generally the softest part. Split it down the middle, take out a bit of the insides and chop it up. Salt, pepper and sugar to taste. After than comes the Bok Choi and the Snap Peas.

In yet one more lightly oiled pan, put in your shrimp. A splash of Saki will help them cook. When they are about half way done add in the Hoisan sauce and cover until fully cooked. Plate it all up and put the bean sprouts on the side.

MOST IMPORTANT! Serve with Saki.

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