A Conversation

Suraj:  Dont you feel you have reached out to him enough times? I think he has been quiet rude with you too in your previous encounters. Why make it difficult for you to be able to move on?
 me:  Well, for one. I am an adult and I do not take it out on Kai or my students when they are sometimes rude. two, I don’t seem to be moving on any other way and three, it’s just a gut feeling that I can’t explain
 Sent at 4:06 PM on Thursday
 me:  I know you really don’t understand, but you don’t have to and you don’t have to agree with me
 Suraj:  I actually understand all your 3 reasons. And I am not necessarily agreeing or disagreeing. I am just explaining what I am seeing you do to make sure it is clear to u
 me:  🙂 thanks. i think it is.
 Sent at 4:12 PM on Thursday
 me:  I think maybe I have a feeling that knowing what I can do in a hard situation like this will help me in other relationships. help me not feel so frustrated sometimes and more compassionate…meaning, being the bigger person and not giving up on someone because they have not had an experience yet.
 Sent at 4:15 PM on Thursday
 me:  oops, i lost you, but I am still here I just went invisible because I only want to talk with you right now
 Sent at 4:16 PM on Thursday
 Suraj:  Sorry had to step out for a meeting
 me:  no worries
 Suraj:  I get what you are trying to say
 Sent at 5:37 PM on Thursday
 me:  I guess you can’t teach for 15 years without some of that tendency becoming just a part of the way you function.
 Suraj:  True but the patience cant stretch for ever. I hate to be taken advantage of or being taken for granted and in a situation like yours I feel he is not giving you the respect u deserve
 me:  ha ha, well, I bet your parents thought that you took advantage of them sometimes and took them for granted many times. he is not giving me the respect I deserve, I know. My self-worth doesn’t depend on his ability to show me that, that is a reflection of how much he values himself. besides, i don’t think he is taking advantage of me but i do think he is taking me for granted:)
 Suraj:  Yes, thats what I think he is doing too
 me:  and, haven’t you taken people for granted before?
 Sent at 5:42 PM on Thursday
 Suraj:  Yes, I have
 me:  are you a horrible person?and do you think you did it because they were not valuable?
 Sent at 5:44 PM on Thursday
 Suraj:  No, but I have always been mindful of not doing that again and again and again. When I realize I am taking someone for granted, I always try to make it up to them
 me:  and who taught you how to realize that? your parents? and, when do you know that you are doing that? What if that person realizes it long before you do?
 Sent at 5:49 PM on Thursday
 Suraj:  You think he is so naive to not know what he is doing?
 me:  yep, I do. he has demonstrated his naivete in many other circumstances, but that was a question for you…what if the person realizes it long before you? how should they treat you? I don’t think he feels he is taking me for granted, I think he has not experienced someone who didn’t get angry at him for his behavior
 Suraj:  You have given him enough opportunities
 me:  still no answer to my question
 Suraj:  I expect the person to do what they think I deserve. Give me a chance and if I am still being the same way decide if they want to totally stop talking to me for being bad
 me:  deserve is a strong word. deserve for what? what would motivate you to take someone for granted?
 Sent at 5:56 PM on Thursday
 Suraj:  Narcissism
 me:  yep,definitely part of his issue… and? anything else?
 Suraj:  Naivity
or just doesnt give a shit
 me:  yep, that too…well, “just doesn’t give a shit” is a broad description, usually there are motive behind that. in fact, “just doesn’t give a shit” and taking someone for granted seem a lot like the same thing. what about discomfort, fear, embarrassment?
 Sent at 6:01 PM on Thursday
 Suraj:  ok. I get it. You want to give him a chance. I totally understand
me: well, yes, but what i really want is to understand how to approach that attitude myself. you know, you two think a lot alike. i don’t mean that as a put down to you.  look I know that he probably won’t respond. I have to know that I am true to myself. To my own convictions. I don’t need to be narcissistic and naive just because he is. I am making a conscious choice to honor him and honor the connection that we had, not to degrade him for not understanding. go home, take a look on your fireplace mantle and ask yourself, “what would Gandhi do?” ha ha
 Suraj:  lol
 Sent at 6:10 PM on Thursday
 Suraj:  If you want to badly believe in something, your mind always finds a way to believe in something. You did tell me that what came to your mind first was the philosophical discussion you had and the interests you shared and you mentionned that it was never about how reliable or consistent he was with you
 Sent at 6:12 PM on Thursday
 me:  yes, of course. Suraj, I’m not 25 years old. I know myself well enough now to understand the difference between believing in something or someone and fooling yourself. I honestly don’t think he sees me at all. I think he sees my actions as the same as some scorned girl who tried to hurt him when he grew uncomfortable with their relationship or the girl who walked away
 Suraj:  Ok, just wanting to make sure you have thought about it
 me:  I know. I also know that you are probably not in any way convinced. But thanks for caring about it. 🙂 you are a good friend
 Suraj:  Thanks 🙂
 Sent at 6:20 PM on Thursday
me:  I have to go make dinner.
 Sent at 6:26 PM on Thursday
 Suraj:  Talk to you later
 me:  you enjoy your evening, and don’t let anyone take advantage of you. 🙂
 Suraj:  lol ok 🙂
 Sent at 6:27 PM on Thursday

This was a conversation I had with a friend of mine. Two very different perspectives. What do you guys think? What motivates someone to take others for granted? I know that there was a big discrepancy between the way that I thought I should treat this person and the way I actually did. The question for me is, when someone comes along again who makes my heart beat a little faster, how will I treat them? How true will I be to myself and my convictions and how swayed will I be by my fears, narcissism, embarrassment, hurt and pride?

One thing I do know that I can’t agree with Gandhi on is the fasting thing. I may be willing to set aside my pride for this conviction (I’m not sure it always serves me well any way) but it’s not one that I am willing to starve over.

Nori-Wrapped Wasabi Salmon

  • 1 Tbls. olive oil
  • 1 Tbls. finel chopped herbs: any combination of thyme, basil, garlic, parsley, and mint
  • Salt and pepper
  • 2 (8 oz) salmon fillets
  • 1 Tbls. Dijon mustard
  • 1/4 tsp. wasabi powder
  • 2 sheets nori
Preheat oven to 450 degrees. Mix oil, herbs, and salt and pepper to taste. Rub salmon with mixture. Mix mustard and wasabi together. Spread on nori. Place salmon face down in the middle of the nori sheet and wrap like a package so that the fish is full covered. The nori will stick to itself and the salmon. Place wrapped salmon in a lightly oiled baking dish. The general rule for fish is to cook it 10 minutes for each inch of thickness. The nori will lightly flavor the salmon and seal in the juices.
from Cooking for the Whole Family

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