Eat Me


I was digging through my cookbooks, looking for a little inspiration, and I found a cookbook from my grandmother. The Church of the Japanese Martyrs Cookbook – recipes from all of the old ladies at the nursing home she was in. I took it off the shelf and thumbed through it with fond memories. My grandmother had given it to me for Christmas one year along with some kitchen scrubbies she knitted out of old plastic bags.  She was 90 when I last saw her and my final memory of her was watching her roll down the little incline of the driveway to the nursing home like a kid on a shopping cart. Her thin arms were lifted up, she let out a little “weeeee” and waved good bye to us as we drove away. My eyes tingled with little tears just waiting to escape as I read the inscription – Love you, Grandma P.  My heart began to swell as I folded each page over. Breads, meats, cookies –  Then I saw it.

Better Than Sex Cake.

My first thought was, what the hell was going on in that nursing home? Then I realized it is a Catholic nursing home. Apparently, all those old women were channeling a lifetimes worth of pent up sexual frustration into their cooking. Quite frankly, my grandma was a hottie in her younger years and there are rumors that float around our family. Better than sex with whom? I don’t think I want to know the details…

But if I had known that the last years of my grandmother’s life were relegated to sharing racy little recipes with old Catholic women from Minnesota, I would have at least sent her this video so she could get a thrill from a cute young guy talking dirty to her one more time:

Better than Sex Cake

2 square baking chocolate, melted

1/2 cup boiling water

1 tsp. baking soda

1 cup sugar

1/2 tsp salt

1/4 butter

1 egg

1/2 cup sour milk

1 1/2 cups flour

1 tsp. vanilla

Stir the boiling water into melted chocolate, cool slightly. Cream sugar, butter and egg well. Stir in chocolate mixture. Combine dry indgredients and add alternately with milk to creamed mixture. Stir in vanilla and pour half of the batter into a greased 9X13 pan.

Filling:

My great aunt getting her thrills.

1 cup milk

1 cup sugar

2 Tblsp. flour

1/2 cup chopped nuts

2 eggs

dash of salt

2 mashed bananas

1/2 cup chopped dates

Combine milk, eggs, salt, sugar and flour. Cook until it gets thick, stirring constantly. When it is cool, add bananas, nuts and dates.

Spread filling over the batter in the pan carefully, then gently pour the rest of the batter on top. Bake at 350 degrees for about 30 minutes. Frost with your favorite frosting.

Now, as is, it might be legitimate to call this Better than Sex With Some People Cake. But if you want to make it a real solid statement, I would recommend Butter Cream Frosting and Toasted Coconut on the top. Oh, baby!

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2 thoughts on “Eat Me

  1. Hey! I recognize those people! 🙂 By the way, The Church of the Japanese Martyrs Cookbook was not from the nursing home! It is the little Catholic church in Leavenworth! Grama P probably KNEW most of the ladies who submitted recipes to the cookbook and yes, they probably all ended up in the same nursing home . . .

    Interesting, don’t ya think? We are the two that ended up MOST looking like Grandma (besides our fathers), were are the only two divorced, and we are having fun and are just fine that way! I guess Grandma’s spirit IS with us, isn’t it?! Like it or not?! Yikes Ha! 🙂 Cool post!!!!!

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