The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

Do you remember the scene in Robinson Crusoe when he see another foot print and realizes he is not alone? I was getting my BBC news fix this morning when I came across a story about NASA finding an “earth like” planet. Won’t it be an interesting day when humanity see’s something elses’ foot print?

There's no place like home?

I don’t think the really big question is “are we alone”. I think it is “how will we behave toward others?” Humanity to date doesn’t exactly have the greatest track record. One thing though, that I think we can ultimately look forward to is the culinary quantum leap. Someone, somewhere out there must have restaurants.

Well, now. Makes you wonder about what might be on the menu, doesn’t it? It opens up possibilities that may even put vegetarians in a bit of a pickle.

From The Restaurant at the End of the Universe:

The Restaurant at the End of the Universe is one of the most extraordinary ventures in the history of catering. It is built on the fragmented remains of an eventually ruined planet which is (wioll haven be) enclosed in a vast time bubble and projected forward in time to the precise moment of the End of the Universe. This is, many would say, impossible.

In it, guests take (willan on-take) their places at table and eat (willan on-eat) sumptous meals while watching (willing watchen) the whole of creation explode around them. This, many would say, is equally impossible.

You can arrive (mayan arrivan on-when) for any sitting you like without prior (late fore-when) reservation because you can book retrospectively, as it were, when you return to your own time (you can have on-book haventa forewhen presooning returningwenta retrohome). This is, many would not insist, absolutely impossible.

At the restaurant you can meet and dine with (mayan meetan con with dinan on when) a fascinating cross-section of the entire population of space and time. This, it can be explained patiently, is also impossible.

You can visit it as many times as you like (mayan on-visit re-onvisiting… and so on – for further tense correction consult Dr. Streetmentioner’s book) and be sure of never meeting yourself, becauses of the embarrassment this usually causes. This, even if the rest were true, which it isn’t, is patently impossible, say the doubters.

All you have to do is deposit one penny in a savings account in your own era, and when you arrive at the End of Time the operations of compound interest means that the fabulous cost of your meal has been paid for.  This, many claim, is not merely impossible but clearly insane, which is why the advertising executives of the star system of Bastablon came up with this slogan: “If you’ve done six impossible things this morning, why not round it off with breakfast at Milliways, the Restaurant at the End of the Universe?”

Then there is also that nagging little thought about the possibility/probability of multiple universes. If you could travel between them what is the likelyhood that you could have your self over for dinner some night? Might be good to have some booze on hand…

Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster Recipe number forty-two

Into a 12 oz glass

  • drop two – three large ice cubes
  • sprinkle a pinch or two of cayenne pepper
  • 1/4 tsp powdered vanilla
  • 1/8 tsp lemon extract


  • 1/2 shot 151 Proof Cruzan Rum (Bacardi will not turn out well)
  • 1/2 shot 80 Proof Gold Rum
  • 3/4 shot Tequila
  • 1 shot Sapphire Gin
  • 1 shot green Creme de Menthe

TOP w/ Sprite (or fizzy lemonade)

Stir exactly twice from top to bottom!

Add an olive

For a nice touch add 8 1/2″ frozen gin cubes (4:1 water:gin)

I don’t know about you, but I hope extraterrestrials have come up with better drinks than this. The one place that served these in Seattle, State of Washington, United States of American, Earth, Milky-Way is closed. Sorry.


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