Gandhi’s Snack Attack

I love irony. I pay attention to it more than other people, I suspect. I mention ironic situations often because I find the serendipitous nature of life absolutely intriguing. I recently heard a show on NPR that was very interesting to me. It was about the inventor of Fritos and co-founder of Frito-Lay. It was ironic.

From NPR – The Birth of Fritos:

C.E. Doolin, creator of the Frito and the Cheeto, was a devoted follower of Dr. Herbert Shelton. Shelton was a prominent American health educator, pacifist, vegetarian, and advocate of raw-foodism and fasting cures. Shelton was nominated by the American Vegetarian Party to run as its candidate for President of the United States in 1956. He saw himself as the champion of original natural hygiene ideas from the 1830s. Doolin attended Shelton’s meetings, bringing along his recording equipment to capture the doctor’s latest lecture. Doolin also attended Shelton’s fasting clinic, the Dr. Shelton Health School in San Antonio. In 1959, C.E. Doolin, impressed with the benefits of his 30-day fast there, gave a $50,000 grant to build a new Shelton school. Doolin wasn’t the only one inspired by Shelton’s philosophy and regime. Mahatma Gandhi reportedly relied on Shelton’s writing about fasting.

Sometimes irony happens when our best intentions go astray. Exhibit A:  Mr. Charles Elmer Doolin. Could he ever have imagined the kind of dietary carnage his inventions would unleash on the world?

I suspect the people who suffer the most from good intentions gone astray are our children. You might be the parent who gives your kids what they want because you have worked all day, you tired and hungry yourself and you just can’t stand hearing the wining any more. Or you might be the parent (this is me) who pounds it into your children’s heads that they need to eat their veggies. My son could read the words ‘high fructose corn syrup’ at a very young age. I take him to cooking classes so he can learn to cook well.  He’ll probably end up creating recipes for McDonalds or working as a chef for Applebees.

Eat your fucking vegetables, sweet heart.

From Urban Dictionary:

Possibly the greatest substance on the face of the earth. 
Fritos are corn chips, made by Frito-Lay, INC. 
Ingredients: whole corn, corn oil, and salt. (not including the various flavored Fritos) 
Apparently, Fritos are some nutritious sons-of-bitches, too. 

..and these motherfuckers are guaranteed fresh, unless the packaging says otherwise. 

Steve: Goddamnit, Fred, have you ever had Fritos? 
Fred: Holy shit, man, those motherfuckers are delicious.

Don’t misunderstand me. I love snack foods. But for those of you who give your kids Fritos to keep them quiet, STOP! Grab your balls and give them nuts.


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